Do you SAY you want to look sexy and show some skin but you're WEARING sweats... again?
Do you SAY you love fashion, know what's on trend, but WEAR old t-shirts from men in your life, 2 sizes too big?
Do you SAY you want to look cute everyday but you're WEARING pijamas to the store, hair in a messy bun... again?
Do you SAY you love makeup, watch tons of makeup tutorials, but never WEAR it?
If so, you're a fashion liar!
Why are you lying to yourself and others? What's stopping you from living and looking the way you want to look?
Yep, that's right. The way you think about yourself, and about fashion, is really what's going on.
I'll slow down a little bit for the kids in the back, lol
And don't worry, I'm not hating on anyone who does this, because truth is, I was a fashion liar too.
Why did I do it?
I was insecure about my body, my looks, my taste and my mindset sucked. I told myself everyday:
- "I'll never look like those girls"
- "I'm fat, that's how I am."
- "It's ok. I'm happy like this"
- "I'm ugly so it doesn't matter"
- "No one is looking at me so it doesn't matter what I wear"
- "They're just clothes."
- "As long as i'm covered who cares?"
I thought I was happy. But 'happy' was a word I didn't actually understand. Sure, I had moments of happiness, and I thought that's how life was supposed to be. I thought I was supposed to be miserable most of the day, with small bright spots during the day. I thought I was happy to put any old thing on my body because clothes didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered to me, was that I be smarter than everyone, and that I always be right.
But look at my mental self-talk! How could I have been happy? I was telling myself horrible things about my body, my looks, my clothes.
I was sad, miserable, and wearing ugly clothes! Wearing ugly clothes just made me feel more miserable and ugly. It was a vicious cycle.
So, I avoided mirrors for a long ass time. I kind of had to, as a self-esteem survival tactic. I refused to go try on clothes in the store. They have those huge mirrors in the dressing rooms and I hated them. I would guess my sizes, buy stuff, and try them on at home, and be happy when things were too big. I thought hiding my body was the answer. Is that happiness? Absolutely not.
It almost hurts to write this.
How did I fix it?
No one taught me how. I had to learn.
And it started with a goal. A desire. I liked a boy and I wanted to be attractive to him. He didn't like me. He liked girls who showed skin, who were curvy and sexy. I decided to be one of those girls. My cousin wore revealing clothes and was really pretty. People would say she was the prettier version of me. I hated that. I decided *I* would be the pretty version of me.
There was no YouTube back then so I had to do it the old fashioned way, I was going to have to read books. Good thing I was a total book nerd with a clean library card, lol.
I've always been a lifelong learner. If I didn't know how to do something, I picked up a book and learned how. Since I didn't know how to dress right or look good, and I didn't want to look like everyone else, I went to the library and dove deep. I read books on Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy Onassis, Audrey Hepburn, Debbie Harry/Blondie, Sid and Nancy, Joan Jett, Princess Diana (she was still alive then) and on and on. I devoured biographies, fashion books, style guides and every fashion magazine the library carried. I even studied interior design books so that I knew style in all areas not just clothes. I was tight with the librarians so they ordered a bunch of magazines I asked for. I spent A LOT of time reading there. I love reading about style and fashion. Even to this day, you will find fashion and style books in my home.
The first thing I had to do was to stop talking to myself like I was a horrible person. This was easier said than done. While I was far from good at it in the beginning, I was able to find a place in my head that didn't say negative stuff all the time. I started to tell myself that I even if I wasn't pretty yet...
The next thing was exercise. I grew up swimming, playing softball and riding bikes, horses and three-wheelers. I camped, fished, hiked, etc but I was still overweight. My inner vision was worse than reality. I was overweight but it was fixable. I started working out and eating healthier. The more I exercised the better I looked and better I felt about myself and that led to better self-talk.
After that I was able to focus on fashion. Now the style books and magazines I read had way different styles than what was available to me back then in Sarasota, lol. But I had done my research, I had inspected photos of the women I admired and found out as much as possible about them and their style and lives. Then I took what I learned and made it my very own. I found my own style to suit my body, my preferences and desires. I wore short-shorts with knee-high stockings or fishnet stockings with combat boots or Converse high tops. I still wore the baggy shirts sometimes because I was still unhappy with my chest. I have big boobs and I wasn't very loving towards them and I didn't appreciate them the way I do now.
Because I only had a vague goal, and I had no real role models to emulate, I fell back into my comfort zone after a while and then had a baby (3 actually) and let everything go to shit again.
One day I got tired of dressing like shit, feeling like shit, and looking like shit. I had had enough, and I finally looked myself in the eye in the mirror and asked myself....
"Do you want to be fat, dress like shit and look bad for the rest of your life?" the answer was a very strong NO! I wanted to look cute, feel sexy and dress with style. I loved those things and the times in my life that I had, were the happiest for me.
This is when things finally started to change and get better for me.
So I did it again. This time there was the internet, YouTube tutorials, and loads of blogs that would quickly teach me about the latest fashion and makeup trends. And I devoured them all just as I had done before with the books at the library. Only this time it was easier and at my fingertips and I didn't even have to leave my house to get all the information I wanted.
Then I met J-Ryze.
He helped me with the one thing that could make all of the things I had learned, stick. He taught me about mindset. He taught me how to change my beliefs. He taught me to belief in myself and that I was valuable. He showed me that if I believed I would, then I could. He was right. He also taught me about STANDARDS.
(To be honest he's taught me so much, I'd need to write a book to cover it all!)
I didn't even understand what that word really meant...which is odd for a woman who reads voraciously but it's true. While I knew the actual definition, I didn't understand what it meant. How it feels. What standards entail. Because I'd never had any standards for myself.
I didn't have them for my home, my body, my looks, my clothes, or my style. I had to learn what the word meant and then apply it to all the areas of my life, starting with my self talk, my relationship, and my actions. J taught me what it was like to have standards for myself. Not just for others but things that I refused to tolerate and things that I insisted on having, doing, being, making, etc. His thoughts on this subject helped me ryze up to a whole new level.
Sound amazing? It is. Check out J-Ryze's views on standards for yourself :)
"People have high-standards for TV. They want the very best, served up to them for free.
And if they don't get it, they complain.
Oh my, such lofty standards for the creations of others. Such high standards for people in the arena, the market.
But look at how these nit-pickers live! They sit on the sidelines, getting fat off junk-food. Keyboard critics. They don't keep their word, to themselves or others. They don't reach their potential. They don't aim high. They phone things in, half-ass tasks, and bury their talents, refusing to put themselves out into the world. They create almost nothing. No impressive products, arts, or companies.
Most people couldn't even make an impressive email, let alone put together an impressive outfit.
They are living a lie.
To have standards, you've gotta be the change. If you want an amazing life, you've got to hold yourSELF to higher standards. It's just a choice. A choice to keep your word. A choice to get shit done. A choice to commit and contribute and create greatness, no matter what steps are involved.
Yes, it may mean you have to clean floors or pick up trash. It may mean you have to do everything yourself. It may mean you have to invest everything you have and all you are.
But that can't matter.
All that matters is you choose to hold a higher standard, and then take whatever life brings.
That's what Beyonce did. That's what Kim K did. That's what Priyanka Chopra did.
And it applies to everything, large and small. It applies to your standards for the book you're writing or the studio your building. And it applies to the standards you hold for the next t-shirt you buy.
Or in a different vein, Michelle Obama, Amal Clooney, Meghan Markle... I don't care what style you have or what field you're from, the people I've mentioned took a stand and held themselves and their teams to a higher standard.
The question is, will you?"
It starts with your beliefs and standards for yourself and how you present yourself to the world. What message do you want to show the world? Do you want them to see a person without goals, without standards, and without shit?
I figured out a look that works for me, but I recently dropped a size, and it opens up more possibilities for me. I'm continuing to increase my standards. I found my own fashion-path by dropping all my words and excuses, and instead taking ACTION.
Now it's your turn. Whose style do you admire and wish to emulate? Let us know in the comments who is your style crush!
On the left I'm smiling because I had met two people that I follow on YouTube earlier and was excited but I was so miserable with my life. I didn't have standards or beliefs that served me. A few months later after meeting J-Ryze, I took the pic on the right with the same exact hoodie on. The difference is way more than the clothes though. It starts with beliefs...this picture proves it.